AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES!!!!

1. IF YOU'RE CHOKING ON AN ICE CUBE, SIMPLY POUR A CUP OF BOILING WATER DOWN YOUR THROAT. PRESTO! THE BLOCKAGE WILL INSTANTLY REMOVE ITSELF. OR YA..AND NOW THAT YOU HAVE THE REMEDY,PLEASE DONT BE STUPID ENOUGH TO TRY SWALLOWING THOSE PLASTIC ICE PACKS...NO WAIT....TRY IT!!!NOT LIKE I CARE!!

2. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP. THIS IS NOT DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND!!! SO MAYBE YOU HAD AN ARGUMENT WITH YOUR FRIEND...RECOCNILE ON THE OUTSIDE BUT INSIDE HOLD A GRUDGE.THEN GET HIM/HER TO HOLD THE VEGETABLE..THAT SIMPLE!!IF YOU A RICH KID,FUCK YOU AND YOUR 'TWISTA' OR WHATEVER NEW PRODUCTS VERIMARK GOT!!

3. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT - USE THE SINK.IF SHE COMPLAINS,TELL HER TO START LEAVING THE SEAT UP WHEN SHE LEAVES THE TOILET.

4. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER. HEHEHE IN THIS CASE,ADDING SALT THE WOUND IS ADVISABLE!! ONLY BECAUSE SALT IS BAD FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!

5. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON. DONT COME ACT CLEVER AND SAY IT DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU BECAUSE YOUR SNOOZE BUTTON IS ON THE SIDE.IF IT'S ON THE SIDE,I THINK ITS ABOUT 'TIME' YOU CHANGED IT!!

6. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH. SELF EXPLANATORY DAMMIT!!!!

7. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - Q20 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE Q20. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.FOR THOSE OF U WHO DONT KNOW WHAT Q20 IS....ITS A FREAKIN LUBRICANT DAMMIT!!!!! NOW DO YOU GET IT???

8. REMEMBER - EVERYONE SEEMS NORMAL UNTIL YOU GET TO KNOW THEM. TAKE ME FOR EXAMPLE!!!NOW IM SUPER FREAKIN AWESOME!!!

9. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.ELECTRICAL MEANING IT DEALS WITH WIRES AND STUFF.ASK ME CAUSE IM UNCLE 'SHOCK'ETS SON!!