The Robbery

THE IMPOTENCE OF CRICKET AND OTHER FORMS OF CONTRACEPTION

Recent studies have shown that up 60% of marraiges end in divorce. 87% of these divorces are caused not by a couples difference of taste in regard to what shade of blue socks make for better hand puppets but yes due to erectile dysfunction. Cricket being the number 1 cause of erectile dysfunction (9 out of 10 times to be exact) is to blame for these unreasonably high numbers of divorces. In a nutshell this boring and ever mundane so called sport is taking its toll in the bedroom. Studies have shown that after a 5day test match cricket fans have almost NO BALLs or a very short STUMP. Ironically cricket matches are LONG and HARD unlike its fans who never are. This said ball protectors for cricketers are like weekend free minutes to hump back whales, of no use whatsoever. So u ask about the hot women at cricket games. Simple, its the same reason hot women are always seen in the company of gay men, well cos they harmless! According to South American psychologist and the leading authority on the subject Professor Diego Armandos Maradona this co-relation between cricket and impotency has been proven as early as the 18th century. In Professor Maradona's thesis THE EFFECTS OF CRICKET, COCAINE AND SARI FAT ON SOCIETY it is stated that in the early eighteen hundreds India assigned as much as 80% of there annual budget to promote cricket not as a sport but as a form of birth control to curb population growth. This has dropped population growth by 70% annually except every 4th year when the population actually rises due to the soccer world cup. During this same period in history in some english counties, as a precaution it was mandatory for up and coming priests to watch 30 days of cricket nonstop before they take there vows to abstain from sex. On the flip side recently there has been a case where a patient who had been diagnosed with sex addiction, his doctor prescribed he watch 2 overs of cricket 3 times a day after meals.In more current news detergent company Sta-soft and The South African Cricket Board are in talks about a sponsorship deal for there 'Cricket Makes You Stay Soft' campaign. World renowned author Dr Zanedin Zidane once said 20 20 cricket is like watching clothes dry in fast forward. So STAND up for yourself and instead of going out 4 a royal duck go out and have a royal f....!

Cops And Robbers 2 (HAHAHAHA)

Cartoon

Now i know yourll be clicking dis shit right here.
READ IT READ IT READ IT

Blogging You Blogging Me

Hoezit mense. Whats happening. Firstly BAFANA KICKED ASS! Our BENONI boytjie Bernard Parker played like a star. I know him from back in the day, he was playing for Benoni F.C. 'A' side while i was coaching the ladies 'B' side before i got arrested. Damn how was i supposed to know she was only 15, these soccer ladies are well developed. Big ups to our boy MUDA who got his degree this week. Well done cuz. I want comments on that from all his mense. C'mon alot of hits but hardly any feedback. Even if its in the negative man. Great news people, we hit our 1000 mark. Thanks for the support. So i was up late lastnight thinking, i asked myself When people go for acupuncture do voodoo dolls die? Were townships houseboats when they were younger? If a synchronised swimmer drowns do the rest follow? Something to think about hey. Enjoying our cartoons? FEED@#$%-INGBACK people. We will hopefully be posting one a day from now. Watch the game tonight, back our boys, and scream till you got no voice left. Eks uit.
1 FOR MADIBA OOH AAH

Another Kak Joke

CLICK ON THE CARTOON!!!! JUST CLICK ON IT!

For old times sake..

Click on the image or right click and open in a new window..Or you could shut up and DIE!!!

A Blog about Blogging on this Blog

Hi im the new kid on the blog (haha get it?). I know this blog is meant to be kak funny but im just gonna go easy this time round. My old friend William Shatner used to say: Captain's blogbook..... (haha star trek get it?). Anyways Dr. Blogonathan my psychologist told me that i should try blogging and it will be good for me. Firstly i would like to respond to the "whats with the vulgarity" comments. Well to get all psycho analytical here, i think you people enjoy it. Heres how it goes.... Seinfeld was a show about nothing the characters used to mock everyone and everything. It had no real moral fibre and yet it had to be the most popular comedy ever.Would bad boys be bad boys with no swearing? Why? Why do we play sick twisted verdeo games? and wotch violent scary movies?ESCAPISM. SO GO FUCK YOURSELF. Immoral, vulgar, sick and twisted is KAK FUNNY! AND YOU LOVE IT!!! So come here for a few minutes when you looking to escape from the real world. I used to live in the real world, then i got evicted. In all fairness i think our next poll should be about whether or not to drop the vulgar lingo and we could take it from there. So here i am bitches, JACKS SICK SENSE OF HUMOUR.

Kids....You gotta love em...

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO MAKE IT LARGER!!OR RIGHT CLICK AND OPEN IN NEW WINDOW!!

Kak Funny - by Fyk

CLICK ON THE IMAGE TO MAKE IT CLEARER!

Post from The Dhalshoobab

The blogs really taking off. Its getting more hits than a tik monster. Ok ok maybe not that much, some of those guys really go at it. But much more than we expected. We going to try and keep it updated quite regularly with at least a new video, a new poll, a new cartoon and maybe 2 or 3 posts a week. Most of the stuff will be original but if we come across some funny stuff along the way well add a recycleyourbrain flavour to it and post it. Like the other day I was speaking to this girl and she said "I was thinking, people have two ears and one mouth; I guess that means we should listen more and speak less!". So i said "Well you have two legs and one head. Hmmmm maybe you should think less and fuck off!". She doesn't speak to me anymore thou, im not quite sure why!?. Ok one more stolen punchline, the other day we were sitting around having fruit salad and my one uncle asked "What's worst than finding a worm in an apple?". I said "Rape". He said "No, Finding half worm". I said "No rapes still worst!". Yeah he doesn't tell me jokes anymore.

Our first Poll Results

Question: Do you participate in Polls?
Yes 29%
No 16% (Ermmm you just did!)
The only poll im interested in is one you dance around 54% (Ladies feel free to call me :))
Stayed tuned for an all new poll...


Anyone interested in posting to the blog, give us a shout. Can be anything. We still gotta decide if we want to post non-funny but interesting stuff. But if its cool we might consider it.

Anyway 1436 points to all of you for checking out the blog. Even thou the points don't matter. Yeah thats right, the points are like all the other blogs on the internet.


Note: Click on the cartoons and it will magically become much much clearer. Do it! You know you want to...

How to avoid that second date....

Sooo you think you got vision cos you dating an optometrist?? Think again! Or is it look again? Have you noticed most optometrists wear glasses? How cool is that!!! I mean its not everyday you find a doctor whose sick. But what happens when things on a first date aren’t so cool huhhh? just for the record, sense not everything to make has! See, you just corrected and made sense of that…

Ok, lets get started with the topic. Its self explanatory if you actually think about it..All you could do is. Just avoid the call, I mean you girls are really good at ignoring! That’s the easy way out BUT if you as complex as us, listed below you will find a few good ways to get outta it.WHY THE TOPIC YOU ASK??Look here punk! If you had a REALLY cool blog wouldn’t you put it on huh? Yeah im cool,I know, I know..Well enough about me, how’s your sister? Damn im getting carried away again!

Moving on.. In todays time at 10:39, thanks to the electronic and modern world of technology, you have something called photoshop (notice, I never say WE have,I said YOU have….figure it out) which makes you people look stunning on facebook or wherever (except in real life of cos) like you being on a front cover of a magazine or you literally on cloud 9 or something! Well we don’t see it happening anywhere else, apart from an obituary…

Just a few ways to AVOID the second date…(after seeing how bad your date looks in real life)

Say the wrong things.. Say stuff like…

I really don’t like this place at all but..errmmm.. I had to use this 2 for 1 voucher/coupon shit cos it expires tomorrow…

I never said you NEED a nose job or facial , Im just saying you fat, oops! I meant its not gonna hurt to at least consider it.

Also try asking her if she met up in accident or does she dress up like that?

If it’s a blind date, remember you don’t have to dress smart!!Dude shes blind!! If she is, try not putting deoderant. Hopefully it works! And also try taking bubble wrap with you, and just don’t stop pressing. It should annoy her. She’s blind NOT deaf!

Make sure you keep randomly mention rules from our blog..eg. “http://recycleyourbrain.blogspot.com/ says..Rule 304 : Strike while the iron is hot and burn your ear” You could make up your own rules though! However, consult with us first!

Before you leave, just outta the blue ask something like : “Hey,Wana go half on a baby?”

For gals... errm you could try chewing on the pen the waiter gives you and then play with your hair? Wait that might turn the guy on.

Try magic tricks which just refuse to work, hopefully it’l make her disappear. If it works, teach me how to do it! Or maybe I could hire you for the next function!

Forget the punchline of a joke and just cover yourself by saying she’s fat or something.

Tell her she reminds you of your late granny.Double twisted meaning with hope she takes late as being dead!!

Be a cry baby, tel her of your problems and why your previous chicks left you! hopefully she’l leave you also.

Try to be like this mind or palm reader or one of these freaky things! Tell her she’s gonna meet another guy by accident and then she’l end up in ICU and die!

Theres a lot more but unfortunately I don’t have the time as I need to get back to work! If the above mentioned does not work , errrm good luck on your second date!

But here is something you could try on the second date: show up in a giant chicken suit and say “But I thought woman like huge cocks?”.

Please feel free to comment!

Dhalshoobab!!

First cartoon.....

CLICK ON THE CARTOON FOR BETTER CLARITY!!!

Staying at one Job is alot of Work (very punny)

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a so-so job.

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef--figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

Opened up a mortuary, but business was dead.

Did some work in finance, but it was too taxing.

Had an offer to be one of the hobbits in lord of the rings, but I didnt want to cut myself short.

Thought about becoming a hunter as i heard theres alot of bucks in hunting, but a friend told me id be shooting myself in the foot.

Worked for a while as a vet, but i got fired for sleeping with my patients. (Ok ok theres no pun here but too sick to leave out)

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

Then i got a job at a strip club, the perks were great but it was kinda hard.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

So then I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking.

I wanted to get a post in government but all they do is sit around scratching their balls all day and honestly, i did take that hunting job and it wasnt my foot i shot myself in.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

Thought about becoming a mathematician, but i figured i would be going in circles.

Finally i got this brilliant idea that ill sell my soul to satan, but at the time suffered from dyslexia and ended up selling it to santa. Now i gotta fkn wrap presents every christmas. On the up side I do get to ride the reindeers alot and sometimes santa even lets me sit on them.

Cops and Robbers (hahahaha)

awaiting your comments...

and now a word from our sponsors

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Brilliant advice on how to survive a shark attack!!

Below are jus simple steps on how to avoid a shark attack!!DAAAH DA, DAAAH DA

Firstly...
I wouldnt advise swimming in the ocean.
Did you know??137 (chappies wrapper) Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large
bodies of water also known as oceans.

The easiest way according to find out if you in the ocean is to taste the water...it should taste like my chicks cooking..extremely salty....

2: Listen carefully for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean (i dunno who you tryna impress) but listen
carefully for the music..like d music in Jaws....

From all the Jaws movies i watched,(or i could have watched the same one few times) before each shark attack you will hear... "daah-da, daah-da, daah-da"
which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer.Oh and dont dance and assume its free music...Usually we dance to police sirens or anti hijacks...but nothing to be alarmed about..Get it??alarmed!!



3: Swim with fat people.
As far as possible try to surround yourself with more biggger sized companions, cos personally i think sharks are into meat..If for whatever you dont like your fat companion,(aaaggghh even if you like him/her) try switching his sun tan lotion with a nice steak marinade...This will definitely improve your odds.Than as soon as we hear the music again,we'd now be aware that the shark is on a steak out :-)

4: Don`t go into the water without a a sharp object preferably a knife.
This is NOT to defend yourself!, i repeat,This is NOT to defend yourself! but to stab the person
closest to you in the case of a shark attack.Lets call them the "DECOY"...Which is why its most advisable to swim with people you dont like.Your ex would be perfect! Once you are sure the
"decoy" is bleeding profusely.....swim for your freakin life.


And finally.....well i cant think that much at the moment..

5. Dont Freakin PANIC!!!
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This
really won`t help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
appreciate you not shrieking madly and also think about the little kids...as this is quite unnecessary and can
really spoil a wonderful day out! Everything cant be about you!

The Sameenhattens - Kiss and Say Goobye

for those of you that haven't seen this yet...

WARNING LABELS!!!

Rumour has it....cigarettes cause cancer....pregnant?breastfeeding?you smoke can harm your baby!(or even burn your tit for that matter) Yeah!You read right! I said TIT! ..Your smoke can harm those around you (ya well, fuck them)...bla bla bla.. Errr i thought about focusing on one of the more common ones ... "SMOKING KILLS" - NO SHIT it fucken kills!! So the fuck does a gun!! Do you find a warning label on an AK-47??NOO??Didnt think so! 'Cos you know a gun can kill the fuck out of you!!!

So im looking to buy a car..Do i find a label that says "CARS KILL" or maybe "ACCIDENTS KILL" ????? NO I DONT!! But buying a box of cigarettes CAN FUCKEN KILL YOU!! Calm down?FOR WHAT? Cigarettes causes cancer which "KILL"...Cars causes accidents which "KILL" so why the fuck are there no warning labels on cars?!!

ohhh before i forget...People believe laughter is the best medicine,HOWEVER< most cancer patients still prefer Chemotherapy..

Moving on...People say a cigarette cuts 5 minutes of your life..Regarding this,lets look at a smoker who smokes a pack a day MINIMUM. Each day he takes a 100 minutes away from his OWN life and if he got any friends he takes a few minutes of their lives (Remember : "YOUR SMOKE CAN HARM THOSE AROUND YOU" - AHEM COUGH FUCK THEM AHEM AHEM) This would mean in a month he takes away 3000 min of his life,right? Being a bit clever i KNOW this is EXACTLY 94 hours..or more...

Wait, i jus need to google the answer...brb...

Back...SOOO..According to dumb ass google the answer is 50 hours!!so thats 4days 8 hours 75 minutes...

Brb again!!!gotta google that shit also.....

The correct answer is 2 days and 2 hours!i mean who never know that!!SMARTASS GOOGLE
PIECE OF SHIT!!

This now means he lives a February month throughout the year except for the actual month of February.In February he lives a 26 day month.Over 15 years he loses a month of his life..but GID FORBID the bastard dies in an accident :-( with a car that FUCKEN KILLS!!!

This now brings about confusion.Would this guy die a month later had he not been a smoker?OR Had he not had a car,would he have lived longer and die of cancer?(obviously preferring chemo to laughter)

Its like saying you are a healthy driver!!WTF??thats if you bound to die in an accident....I mean why dont they put a WARNING LABEL on a packet of prunes..something like "WARNING-CAUSES DIGESTION" or "EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION MAY HAVE A LAXATIVE EFFECT"
(maybe there is, i just havent checked)

If you doing it for cigarettes,do it for evrything else also!!

Your input as a GAAS,WATCH & VIDEO sayer is important and would be appreciated!!

Pronunciation...

so err here we go again....Damn this is only my second post and i started with "so err"...SHIT!!i said Damn!!DAMN i said SHIT!!! To you it might seem small and petty but if you a gal reading this shit,please (DAMN i said SHIT again!!SHIT i said DAMN again!!!wtf?!!) get and paper and take notes.....

Listed below you will find a crowd (2 is a couple,3 is a crowd??ahhhhh man must i explain everything?!!) of words that are most often mispronounced..

1. Video
2. Watch
3. Gaas

VIDEO
Pronounced veee deeeee yo

There is definitly a translation for VIDEO!! unlike the term VERDEO!!!AHH DAM!!!TOTAL TURN-OFF!!!!!!

Let me give u a basic example....A guy meets a gorgeous gal at this boring party.. ...They get to know each other bla bla bla...so the guys says "wana go to my place and play VERDEO games?"
The girl been way too cool for that JERK WHO SAYS VERDEO!! smacks him and leaves!!So the dude leaves for home alone and disappointed!! TURN-OFFF!!!! DUDE WHAT WERE U EVEN THINKING?? Had the guy said VIDEO, this gorgeous gal WOULD go to his place and the guy could have SCORED!!!..........Damn! FIFA 09 Rocks!!


WATCH
Pronounced watch..no other way of saying it!!!

say it the way it spelt DAMMIT!!! Its WATCH---- WAAA...TCH and NOT WORCH!!!
For the few of you mentally challenged ppl who say it....TSEK!!!You DONT belong in our societies!!You could be how gorgeous but if you just happen to mention WORCH instead of WATCH!!!,u aint gona be gorgeous anymore!!!ohhh ya n u fat!!Yeah that musta hurt!how d bloody hell do u think we feel when u ppl say WORCH?


GAAS
pronounced GAAS as in aaaaa..

For FUX sake its NOT GERS!!

Nothing further....

Bout the name...

ok so err...FIRST THINGS FIRST!!!There is a major difference between a blog an a photo album!!!hehehe DAMN im funny!!! well anyway....our blog began spontaneously on wednesday 27/05/2009 at exactly 12:15!!!so u could say we always spontaneuosly on time??

Ok so you ask why is our blog name dhal shoobab??i will not answer that BUT i will ask y is your name Amina?or Yusuf?or Mary?or Derrick?or even Michael for that matter??Need i say or ask more?

Lets break it up..dhal or dal

Noun

1. the nutritious pealike seed of a tropical shrub

2. a curry made from lentils or other pulses [Hindi dāl

Shoobab
Not a verb (doing word) i mean why would u wana do a shoobab?
1. kasi term for flavored ice in a dirty packet
2. rich kids would call it ice lolly or whatever...but if u rich you wouldnt even call it..

Now put the two together and there u have a dhalshoobab!!Rich kids would call it a dhal-icelolly!!

Crazy i know but thats a rich kid for you...