Below are jus simple steps on how to avoid a shark attack!!DAAAH DA, DAAAH DA
Firstly...
I wouldnt advise swimming in the ocean.
Did you know??137 (chappies wrapper) Ninety-nine percent of all shark attacks take place in exceptionally large
bodies of water also known as oceans.
The easiest way according to find out if you in the ocean is to taste the water...it should taste like my chicks cooking..extremely salty....
2: Listen carefully for the music.
In the event that you are foolish enough to swim in an ocean (i dunno who you tryna impress) but listen
carefully for the music..like d music in Jaws....
From all the Jaws movies i watched,(or i could have watched the same one few times) before each shark attack you will hear... "daah-da, daah-da, daah-da"
which will gradually become more rapid as the shark gets closer.Oh and dont dance and assume its free music...Usually we dance to police sirens or anti hijacks...but nothing to be alarmed about..Get it??alarmed!!
3: Swim with fat people.
As far as possible try to surround yourself with more biggger sized companions, cos personally i think sharks are into meat..If for whatever you dont like your fat companion,(aaaggghh even if you like him/her) try switching his sun tan lotion with a nice steak marinade...This will definitely improve your odds.Than as soon as we hear the music again,we'd now be aware that the shark is on a steak out :-)
4: Don`t go into the water without a a sharp object preferably a knife.
This is NOT to defend yourself!, i repeat,This is NOT to defend yourself! but to stab the person
closest to you in the case of a shark attack.Lets call them the "DECOY"...Which is why its most advisable to swim with people you dont like.Your ex would be perfect! Once you are sure the
"decoy" is bleeding profusely.....swim for your freakin life.
And finally.....well i cant think that much at the moment..
5. Dont Freakin PANIC!!!
In the event that a shark actually bites you, try to remain calm. This
really won`t help you survive, but everyone else on the beach will
appreciate you not shrieking madly and also think about the little kids...as this is quite unnecessary and can
really spoil a wonderful day out! Everything cant be about you!
ok my plan if all else fails!
ReplyDeletekick the shark in the nose so it cant smell you then bite its eye balls out cause it cant eat what it cant see!
totally wrong. it can eat what it cant see. its hunting is driven by its nose cos it really cant see well!
ReplyDeletethe optom who u went on your first date with!